i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
