I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
