I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
