So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
