So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
