My room smells like vodka and shame
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
