i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
