I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
