the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
