The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize