what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
