Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
