Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Success! We fucked roommates!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
