I want to make a zoo with you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
