dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
