Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
