I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize