so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
