why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Randomize
