just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
