4 words: hood of his car
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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