I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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