it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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