Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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