Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
