There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
