If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
