the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
