there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
