You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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