I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
