he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
