And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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