bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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