he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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