So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've blown a few things in my day
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
