ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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