3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
