I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
