Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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