24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
