Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
