Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm too high and old for this...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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