Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
