Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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