Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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