I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
