I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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