Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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