First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
