Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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