I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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