Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
