Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
