Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There r osticjed everywhere
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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