ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
