my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
