Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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