you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
