I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
