Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize