Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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