Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm at about main and main street
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
