Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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