Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am midnight drunk by noon
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
