I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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