ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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