she smelled like a LAN party
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
